i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
