you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
