we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize