So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
