This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
