Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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