Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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