FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
