from now on my penis is your penis
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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