don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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