i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
