Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
