so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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