yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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