Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
