i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
