Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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