Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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