I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
