Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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