why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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