it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
