We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize