Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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