I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
