Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
