He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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