Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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