Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
