Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
