I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
