We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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