did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
