u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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