dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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