I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
