Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
