is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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