I hate all girls vehemently.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
