Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
