Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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