My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
