I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
