And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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