Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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