Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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