I just pynch a tree in the face
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
