You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
