Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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