i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
