would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
