Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
