glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
