thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
