i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
