ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
