oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
