apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
