I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
