Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize