Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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