he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
