the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
