We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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