why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
