i just had sex bonerless
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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