see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize