we're blogging at a bar
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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