we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
