i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
