the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
