dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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