My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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