Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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