Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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