we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
