I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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