All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
